Mommy's uniform?

I am a single mom that has struggled with the last 10-12 pounds of baby weight for three years.  I knew when I was pregnant that getting back to my old clothes was going to be a struggle and time.  But, come on!!?!?!  I remember about two months after having my daughter I had a huge break down in front of my closet and my husband.  I was tired of wearing t-shirts and baggy pants.  I went shopping and had cute clothes. I was out of that funk for a bit, but it always crept back.  Now it has came back with a vengeance.  


Fast forward three years and not much has changed.  I did loose more weight but I have been in this holding pattern for a year now.  I am down right disgusted with my weight, my body, and my wardrobe.  I have been on weight watchers off and on during those 3 years.  I am obviously failing at it right now.  


How can I get a jump start out of this pattern.  It seems that I am constantly living in sweatshirts and jeans.  Last weekend I had a chance to hang out with my youngest sister and instead of bringing one of my cute purses I opted to carry my wallet/phone/keys in a backpack!!  What the hell?


This weekend I got to go out with some friends and I finally got out of the sweat shirt.  I put on great shoes, a cute top, and grabbed a real purse.  I felt good about myself.  My friends said I looked great.  I think it is funny that I got all this positive feedback, it is obvious that they too noticed my mommy uniform.  


But today, I have been in a funk all day.  All that feeling good about myself yesterday was completely lost.  It faded away faster then a dream when you wake up.  I hate my body, hate the number on the scale, hate my midsection, and this feeling of grossness.  But all that gross feeling just makes me want to binge on everything I can get my hands on, which I know will only make me feel worse later.  I have tried to be smart, watched my portions, busy all day, and drank water.  I am not looking forward to stepping on that scale tomorrow.  


I want to be happy with my body and my weight so badly.  I do not want my body and diet issues to be passed on to my little girl.  I grew up in a home where my mother was always on a diet, that never worked.  Even now, she continues to talk about how she needs to lose weight.  I blame her but it is not her fault.  


Today, I am obsessed with my weight.  No body knows this but I weigh myself at least 3 times a day.  One day I weighed myself 8 times!  I have become obsessed.  I know that this is not healthy but it is like I can't help it.  There is so many more scale stories I could share but I'm just not ready.  I am getting to the point where I need to hand over my scale to someone to keep it away from me for a week.  Maybe then I will be less stressed about my daily eating.  


Something needs to change and I need to reach my goal by August 15th.  Why that date?  I will tell you later. 


These are things I commit to the universe: 
1. Eat healthily every day
2. Watch portion sizes and snacks
3. Be active daily, at least 30 minutes each day - outside or inside
4. Only weigh myself on Monday mornings
5. Drink 64 oz of water a day


Wish me luck world.  Keep you posted. 

Summer Solstice

I thought that the summer solstice was suppose to include sun?  Isn't that a rule or something?  For me it doesn't seem to apply.  I have always loved this time of year.  Usually it is full of sun and festivals.  Well, this year I am half right.

I finally had a chance to attend the Fremont Fair & Solstice Parade.  I have been a resident of Washington for over 3 decades (really!?!!?) and this is my first time.  Everyone should see the naked cyclists (and rollerbladers) at least once in their lives.  I am so glad that Teresa asked me to go with her.  Even though we watched the parade on separate sides of the street it was fun to catch up afterwards and enjoy some time hanging out.  It was a fun adventure, but the sun was sorely missed.

Not only do I love this time of year for the festivals, but it actually holds a very special place in my heart.  My dad's birthday was the 21st, so it was always a time to celebrate.  Plus it was often on Father's Day.  A year before my father passed away he gave me a very special book.  It is a book that allowed both of us to write down special father/daughter memories and thoughts.  He gave it to me at Christmas with a few areas filled in and I would give it to him on Father's Day with some of my memories.  Unfortunately, we didn't get to enjoy this exchange system for very long, but it is one of my most prized possessions.  Ever Father's Day I get out the book and reread his notes.  I love seeing his hand writing, it is very comforting to me for some reason.

I have been looking for a book like this for my daughter and her dad so that they can start the tradition early on. He knows how much my book means to me so I am sure he would enjoy his own version shared with his little girl.

Life...done simple.

Life is simple.  At times even the most simple life has it's crazy moments, slight bumps, major pit falls, and awesome successes.

This blog serves as a place for me to share some of those simple things.  That's it.  Simple.