Mommy's uniform?

I am a single mom that has struggled with the last 10-12 pounds of baby weight for three years.  I knew when I was pregnant that getting back to my old clothes was going to be a struggle and time.  But, come on!!?!?!  I remember about two months after having my daughter I had a huge break down in front of my closet and my husband.  I was tired of wearing t-shirts and baggy pants.  I went shopping and had cute clothes. I was out of that funk for a bit, but it always crept back.  Now it has came back with a vengeance.  


Fast forward three years and not much has changed.  I did loose more weight but I have been in this holding pattern for a year now.  I am down right disgusted with my weight, my body, and my wardrobe.  I have been on weight watchers off and on during those 3 years.  I am obviously failing at it right now.  


How can I get a jump start out of this pattern.  It seems that I am constantly living in sweatshirts and jeans.  Last weekend I had a chance to hang out with my youngest sister and instead of bringing one of my cute purses I opted to carry my wallet/phone/keys in a backpack!!  What the hell?


This weekend I got to go out with some friends and I finally got out of the sweat shirt.  I put on great shoes, a cute top, and grabbed a real purse.  I felt good about myself.  My friends said I looked great.  I think it is funny that I got all this positive feedback, it is obvious that they too noticed my mommy uniform.  


But today, I have been in a funk all day.  All that feeling good about myself yesterday was completely lost.  It faded away faster then a dream when you wake up.  I hate my body, hate the number on the scale, hate my midsection, and this feeling of grossness.  But all that gross feeling just makes me want to binge on everything I can get my hands on, which I know will only make me feel worse later.  I have tried to be smart, watched my portions, busy all day, and drank water.  I am not looking forward to stepping on that scale tomorrow.  


I want to be happy with my body and my weight so badly.  I do not want my body and diet issues to be passed on to my little girl.  I grew up in a home where my mother was always on a diet, that never worked.  Even now, she continues to talk about how she needs to lose weight.  I blame her but it is not her fault.  


Today, I am obsessed with my weight.  No body knows this but I weigh myself at least 3 times a day.  One day I weighed myself 8 times!  I have become obsessed.  I know that this is not healthy but it is like I can't help it.  There is so many more scale stories I could share but I'm just not ready.  I am getting to the point where I need to hand over my scale to someone to keep it away from me for a week.  Maybe then I will be less stressed about my daily eating.  


Something needs to change and I need to reach my goal by August 15th.  Why that date?  I will tell you later. 


These are things I commit to the universe: 
1. Eat healthily every day
2. Watch portion sizes and snacks
3. Be active daily, at least 30 minutes each day - outside or inside
4. Only weigh myself on Monday mornings
5. Drink 64 oz of water a day


Wish me luck world.  Keep you posted.