I swear yesterday my little girl was this super adorable, seeking to please, mega helper. But for some reason my little girl woke up determined to be crowned the Whining Queen. I then end up trying to be Serious Queen. Don't get me wrong, she is still super adorable, pleasing, and super mega helper. But now when ever I ask her to do something or tell her it is time to end an activity she tries to argue.
Seriously, it feels like she is arguing, but that description just doesn't seem right. It isn't that she is trying to say I am wrong or she is right, it is just she feels the need to say the exact opposite of what she is has been asked/told to do. They say in the articles that you are suppose to let your toddler be part of the decision making, give her options, and embrace her independence. I do embrace it and hope that she continues to grow into a strong, independent young lady, but still mommy knows best.
How do you get past this part? How do you keep your cool while trying to de-throne the Whining Queen? We have consequences and stern voices to counteract the impromptu tears and fake whine induced hiccups. But sometimes I catch my self wagging my finger a bit more than I ever wanted too. Then of course she cries and says I am hurting her feelings by being so serious with her. Well, do what you are told and I won't be serious or you are hurting my feelings by not listening.
So what I have determined is she is starting to test her limits, learn more about reactions and consequences, as well as be a kid who just wants her way. My commitment to her is to maintain the limits, teach her manners, teach her how to express herself and love her through her reign of royal whining period. I also commit to be consistent with consequences so that she can learn and to maintain a home that allows her to grow but with boundaries and expectations.
I have to remind myself that this is just a phase and that really she is wonderful 90% of the time. She is very easy going, loving, and good mannered. She impresses me daily with how well she acts. I guess that is also why these little whining out bursts throw me for such a loop, they are so unlike her.
Hopefully, the Queen of Whining will succumb and vacate our kingdom quickly.
Monday, February 21, 2011
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Dating Post-Divorce
How do you find a date post divorce? Many of my close to 30/never been married friends have done the online thing, but that just does not interest me.
How does one find a way to date without feeling awkward? I haven't dated since the 90's! Yes I am that old.
The last time I dated there was no Facebook, cell phones, or even text messaging. So the pressure is on.
I know that most of my "identity" is based on me being a mother, but as I mentioned, I am also a woman. I am only 32 and I have the rest of my life to live.
What have you done to meet that other soul mate?
I miss dating, even though it has been a long time. I miss talking about my day to another adult who genuinely cares and can comfort me when the day goes to hell. Or even the small things like cuddling before bed, holding hands while walking, or sharing dreams about the future. I miss going out for dinner without ordering from the kids menu or sharing my order with the kiddo.
I don't know if I will ever get married, but I hope that I find a partner that will support me as an individual and as a mother. I hope that I find a partner that will love me for being a strong woman, a motivated career woman, and a giving mom. But I guess I also have to put myself out there for that to happen.
I don't think I want to meet someone at a bar and I don't belong to a gym so how does this happen? Only time will tell. I you know someone who is single and won't just screw me over, send them my way. Feel free to hand out my number, email or other. I am open to finding someone to make plans with, not to marry. I am looking for someone to have fun with and enjoy life with. Keep me in mind!
How does one find a way to date without feeling awkward? I haven't dated since the 90's! Yes I am that old.
The last time I dated there was no Facebook, cell phones, or even text messaging. So the pressure is on.
I know that most of my "identity" is based on me being a mother, but as I mentioned, I am also a woman. I am only 32 and I have the rest of my life to live.
What have you done to meet that other soul mate?
I miss dating, even though it has been a long time. I miss talking about my day to another adult who genuinely cares and can comfort me when the day goes to hell. Or even the small things like cuddling before bed, holding hands while walking, or sharing dreams about the future. I miss going out for dinner without ordering from the kids menu or sharing my order with the kiddo.
I don't know if I will ever get married, but I hope that I find a partner that will support me as an individual and as a mother. I hope that I find a partner that will love me for being a strong woman, a motivated career woman, and a giving mom. But I guess I also have to put myself out there for that to happen.
I don't think I want to meet someone at a bar and I don't belong to a gym so how does this happen? Only time will tell. I you know someone who is single and won't just screw me over, send them my way. Feel free to hand out my number, email or other. I am open to finding someone to make plans with, not to marry. I am looking for someone to have fun with and enjoy life with. Keep me in mind!
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Taking Care of Me
As mothers I think we often put ourselves last on our priority lists. We often are the ones that eat last, shower last, get updated clothes last and so on. We often feel guilty if we have the sitter or spouse watch the kiddo so you can go get your nails done or go to the gym or just go for an hour. We often rationalize ourselves out of buying something for ourselves because we know the kiddo or family needs something else. I can't tell you how many times I have used a gift card I received ends up going to buying something for my daughter or for the house.
Over the last few months I have spent a lot of time thinking about balance and how I can take care of myself too. I have learned that my taking care of some of my needs can enable me to pay even more attention to my family's needs. Now, I'm not suggesting going out every day or week for a day of beauty at a ritzy spa or anything like this, but take a few minutes out of each day to pay attention to you. Or take the time to review your monthly budget to see if you can budget in a Mommy Maintenance fund. This fund can go towards a mani/pedi, a new pair of shoes, a movie with some friends, new music from iTunes, or even some Kindle books. Whatever lets you relax or feel special about yourself.
I don't like to spend a lot of money on me and hate the guilt if I do even more. So I find ways to spend a bit of time on me with out spending a lot of money.
One way I love is taking care of my nails. Every month I crave a manicure and pedicure. I think that this comes from a time when I had acrylics and had my nails done every other week. So rather than spend the $60 plus tip every month I head to either Walgreens or Target and pick up one or two $2 nail polishes and spend a night giving my nails some TLC. This is also helpful from keeping me from snacking in front of the tv (yay!). In the end my nails look great, I have another color to add to the collection, and I didn't waste $58 or a few hours of time. This way I also don't come home with a ton of guilt weighing down my mani/pedi high.
I believe that I also have the opportunity to show my daughter that you can do small things for yourself and gain a great deal from it. I don't want her to grow up with this idea of entitlement or high maintenance.
Now don't get me wrong there one thing that I do believe that Mom's should do for themselves and only leave it up to the professionals and that is waxing. Any kind of waxing. If you continue to pluck your own eyebrows or shave your bikini line - stop. Go to a professional! They have been trained and are the experts. This is an added expense but it is so worth it. If you just get your eyebrows you only have to worry about maintaining the arch and can go once a month. If you get your bikini line done, go all year! Some women think that this is reserved for the months you actually wear a bikini or only if you are in a relationship where someone might actually see you naked, but I say false to both. This is also just for you. It is amazing how just 15 minutes of a bit of pain can make you feel sexy. Just think about it. Go online and Google some waxing boutiques. Don't just depend on the neon signs you see around the minimalls. I suggest going to a boutique that solely specializes in waxing.
So in a nutshell, don't just be a mom everyday. Remember that what made you a mom was the fact that you are a woman. You were a woman first and still are. Continue to be a woman. Again this sets you up to be a better mom, wife, partner, and role model.
Take care of you so that you can take care of everyone else!
Over the last few months I have spent a lot of time thinking about balance and how I can take care of myself too. I have learned that my taking care of some of my needs can enable me to pay even more attention to my family's needs. Now, I'm not suggesting going out every day or week for a day of beauty at a ritzy spa or anything like this, but take a few minutes out of each day to pay attention to you. Or take the time to review your monthly budget to see if you can budget in a Mommy Maintenance fund. This fund can go towards a mani/pedi, a new pair of shoes, a movie with some friends, new music from iTunes, or even some Kindle books. Whatever lets you relax or feel special about yourself.
I don't like to spend a lot of money on me and hate the guilt if I do even more. So I find ways to spend a bit of time on me with out spending a lot of money.
One way I love is taking care of my nails. Every month I crave a manicure and pedicure. I think that this comes from a time when I had acrylics and had my nails done every other week. So rather than spend the $60 plus tip every month I head to either Walgreens or Target and pick up one or two $2 nail polishes and spend a night giving my nails some TLC. This is also helpful from keeping me from snacking in front of the tv (yay!). In the end my nails look great, I have another color to add to the collection, and I didn't waste $58 or a few hours of time. This way I also don't come home with a ton of guilt weighing down my mani/pedi high.
I believe that I also have the opportunity to show my daughter that you can do small things for yourself and gain a great deal from it. I don't want her to grow up with this idea of entitlement or high maintenance.
Now don't get me wrong there one thing that I do believe that Mom's should do for themselves and only leave it up to the professionals and that is waxing. Any kind of waxing. If you continue to pluck your own eyebrows or shave your bikini line - stop. Go to a professional! They have been trained and are the experts. This is an added expense but it is so worth it. If you just get your eyebrows you only have to worry about maintaining the arch and can go once a month. If you get your bikini line done, go all year! Some women think that this is reserved for the months you actually wear a bikini or only if you are in a relationship where someone might actually see you naked, but I say false to both. This is also just for you. It is amazing how just 15 minutes of a bit of pain can make you feel sexy. Just think about it. Go online and Google some waxing boutiques. Don't just depend on the neon signs you see around the minimalls. I suggest going to a boutique that solely specializes in waxing.
So in a nutshell, don't just be a mom everyday. Remember that what made you a mom was the fact that you are a woman. You were a woman first and still are. Continue to be a woman. Again this sets you up to be a better mom, wife, partner, and role model.
Take care of you so that you can take care of everyone else!
Friday, January 7, 2011
Working Mommy
Back in October, my job ended and I started the ever challenging task of job searching. But during this time I have had the greatest opportunity to be at home with my daughter. I have said it many times, but she is my life's greatest achievement and I will never doubt that.
While I have cherished all of this time as a stay at home mom, I do miss working outside of the home. But often as I am doing my daily tasks or weekly errands I find myself asking, how am I going to get all this done, spend time with Gabbi, and work. I love working and I love being a very present mom and I only hope that I can find a balance when the time comes for me to go back to work.
As I continue to look for a job and continue to think positively about the search, I try to think of how I can install balance in my live when I go back to work. So far one of my favorite way is the weekly menu. I have tried this in the past for me when I used weight watchers, but now I look at it as a way to add order to my home. I sit down each weekend to create the weeks menu for Gabbi and I. This allows me to take the time to see what I currently have in the fridge and freezer. I was amazed how much I had in the freezer. Where did all this food come from? Anyhow, after some planning I also end up with my grocery list. With this in hand my experience at the grocery store also feels more meaningful. It actually feels like I accomplish more on the shopping excursion and it limits my impulse purchases to nearly zero.
So whether you are work out of the home mom or a work at home mom (or SAHM) try a weekly or monthly menu. They provide you with some direction when the kiddo is asking what is for lunch/dinner, provides direction down the grocery isle, and can even save you money.
Others will also suggest that you plan your meals while browsing through the Sunday grocery adds. I also suggest freezing portions of your yummy meals if you have made too much. It is easy to grab something to thaw in the morning and you won't be throwing out moldy leftovers because you forgot they were in the fridge.
One week in to the new year with this new menu plan and it feels great! For example, it was helpful when Nana asked what she should give my daughter for lunch and I just had to refer her to the menu on the fridge.
Watch out 2011, SuperMom is here!!
While I have cherished all of this time as a stay at home mom, I do miss working outside of the home. But often as I am doing my daily tasks or weekly errands I find myself asking, how am I going to get all this done, spend time with Gabbi, and work. I love working and I love being a very present mom and I only hope that I can find a balance when the time comes for me to go back to work.
As I continue to look for a job and continue to think positively about the search, I try to think of how I can install balance in my live when I go back to work. So far one of my favorite way is the weekly menu. I have tried this in the past for me when I used weight watchers, but now I look at it as a way to add order to my home. I sit down each weekend to create the weeks menu for Gabbi and I. This allows me to take the time to see what I currently have in the fridge and freezer. I was amazed how much I had in the freezer. Where did all this food come from? Anyhow, after some planning I also end up with my grocery list. With this in hand my experience at the grocery store also feels more meaningful. It actually feels like I accomplish more on the shopping excursion and it limits my impulse purchases to nearly zero.
So whether you are work out of the home mom or a work at home mom (or SAHM) try a weekly or monthly menu. They provide you with some direction when the kiddo is asking what is for lunch/dinner, provides direction down the grocery isle, and can even save you money.
Others will also suggest that you plan your meals while browsing through the Sunday grocery adds. I also suggest freezing portions of your yummy meals if you have made too much. It is easy to grab something to thaw in the morning and you won't be throwing out moldy leftovers because you forgot they were in the fridge.
One week in to the new year with this new menu plan and it feels great! For example, it was helpful when Nana asked what she should give my daughter for lunch and I just had to refer her to the menu on the fridge.
Watch out 2011, SuperMom is here!!
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Mommy-hood My Way
I have been thinking a lot about this blog. I needed a place to just word vomit what was going through my head but even that was too messy. I needed a focus or a direction. While I was on vacation recently I had the best opportunity to be a mom to my little one. During this time I thought a lot about this blog. I decided that mommy-hood was going to be my focus.
Before I was a mom, my identity was solely based on my job. I didn't mind this at all. I was very proud of what I did every day and for the identity I was creating. I am still in the same field and proud of my career, but I am more proud of the mommy identity.
While on vacation I was with a very close friend for a day and she gave me the greatest compliment. She said that I was a good mom. It nearly brought me to tears. I appreciated it so much, I doubt she even knew how much.
Mommy-hood is hard. I am sure every mom out there would agree. Being a mom is a full time job and it is never perfect. Mom's don't get the praise and recognition they deserve on a daily basis. But in my opinion mom's don't do their tasks for these accolades.
In my situation I am a single mom of one. She is the highlight of my life and I am fortunate to have a great parenting partner in her dad. Our marriage ended nearly as soon as our parenting started. I have come to find that we make much better co-parents then man and wife.
There are a lot of things I miss about being married. Big things of course, but mostly little things. I miss going out to dinner/date, I miss celebrating anniversaries, hearing compliments, sharing the burden of aging parents, sharing the tasks around the house, sleeping in, and I am sure a thousand other things. There are few things that I no longer care about or worry about. Things like caring if my undies/bra match, if I'm late in getting a bikini wax, where things go around the house, negotiating through thermostat wars, etc.
I find it very empowering to take care of my home on my own. I do it for my own sanity and for my little one. I love to do things on my own, always have. I believe that I am setting an example for my child on how to be an independent person. I love my friends and the support they offer, but I also know that I am strong woman who gets the great privilege to do things my way.
I get to be the mom I want to be and the woman I want to be.
Let's start the journey.
Before I was a mom, my identity was solely based on my job. I didn't mind this at all. I was very proud of what I did every day and for the identity I was creating. I am still in the same field and proud of my career, but I am more proud of the mommy identity.
While on vacation I was with a very close friend for a day and she gave me the greatest compliment. She said that I was a good mom. It nearly brought me to tears. I appreciated it so much, I doubt she even knew how much.
Mommy-hood is hard. I am sure every mom out there would agree. Being a mom is a full time job and it is never perfect. Mom's don't get the praise and recognition they deserve on a daily basis. But in my opinion mom's don't do their tasks for these accolades.
In my situation I am a single mom of one. She is the highlight of my life and I am fortunate to have a great parenting partner in her dad. Our marriage ended nearly as soon as our parenting started. I have come to find that we make much better co-parents then man and wife.
There are a lot of things I miss about being married. Big things of course, but mostly little things. I miss going out to dinner/date, I miss celebrating anniversaries, hearing compliments, sharing the burden of aging parents, sharing the tasks around the house, sleeping in, and I am sure a thousand other things. There are few things that I no longer care about or worry about. Things like caring if my undies/bra match, if I'm late in getting a bikini wax, where things go around the house, negotiating through thermostat wars, etc.
I find it very empowering to take care of my home on my own. I do it for my own sanity and for my little one. I love to do things on my own, always have. I believe that I am setting an example for my child on how to be an independent person. I love my friends and the support they offer, but I also know that I am strong woman who gets the great privilege to do things my way.
I get to be the mom I want to be and the woman I want to be.
Let's start the journey.
Saturday, July 3, 2010
New Goal
FYI, my friend and I were talking a bit ago and my new goal is to run the Beat the Bridge next spring, but may need to modify that if all goes well in August. But still want to train for that effort. I envy all these folks that are joggers. I desire to be a jogger. Hmm, did I just say that? Yes, a jogger. I want to be a jogger. Looking for a plan and routine. Going to get there. If I can give birth with out drugs, I can do this! I know that they are not the same at all but you know what I mean.
Boring but had to get it out there
So far I am not the ultimate champion of my own issues, but I am getting there. Not so fixated on the scale or the mommy uniform, but could improve a few things.
Doing a good job of being active and I am trying to give myself a break a bit. My office has recently moved across campus and I am trying to take advantage of it. I have continued to park in my old lot near the old building and walk across campus to my new office, about 13 minutes. I pop in my iPod and go. If I have to stop at a crosswalk I do calf raises while I wait. Every day this kills but hopefully this is worth it.
I had to go by my new bus pass and decided to walk from the office during lunch time. With this walk and from/to my car I walked for 40 minutes!
This is just week one and I can't expect to see results over night, but I can stay on track.
My next goal is to get up early and work out before work. I need to get my ass on the treadmill. It is in Gabbi's playroom, and seriously why can't I work out while she plays. We could still engage and talk while we both do something we like.
It is just so hard to get up that early. Any tips?
Peace.
Doing a good job of being active and I am trying to give myself a break a bit. My office has recently moved across campus and I am trying to take advantage of it. I have continued to park in my old lot near the old building and walk across campus to my new office, about 13 minutes. I pop in my iPod and go. If I have to stop at a crosswalk I do calf raises while I wait. Every day this kills but hopefully this is worth it.
I had to go by my new bus pass and decided to walk from the office during lunch time. With this walk and from/to my car I walked for 40 minutes!
This is just week one and I can't expect to see results over night, but I can stay on track.
My next goal is to get up early and work out before work. I need to get my ass on the treadmill. It is in Gabbi's playroom, and seriously why can't I work out while she plays. We could still engage and talk while we both do something we like.
It is just so hard to get up that early. Any tips?
Peace.
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