Mommy-hood My Way

I have been thinking a lot about this blog.  I needed a place to just word vomit what was going through my head but even that was too messy.  I needed a focus or a direction.  While I was on vacation recently I had the best opportunity to be a mom to my little one.  During this time I thought a lot about this blog.  I decided that mommy-hood was going to be my focus.
Before I was a mom, my identity was solely based on my job.  I didn't mind this at all.  I was very proud of what I did every day and for the identity I was creating.  I am still in the same field and proud of my career, but I am more proud of the mommy identity.
While on vacation I was with a very close friend for a day and she gave me the greatest compliment.  She said that I was a good mom.  It nearly brought me to tears.  I appreciated it so much, I doubt she even knew how much.
Mommy-hood is hard.  I am sure every mom out there would agree.  Being a mom is a full time job and it is never perfect.  Mom's don't get the praise and recognition they deserve on a daily basis.  But in my opinion mom's don't do their tasks for these accolades.
In my situation I am a single mom of one.  She is the highlight of my life and I am fortunate to have a great parenting partner in her dad.  Our marriage ended nearly as soon as our parenting started.  I have come to find that we make much better co-parents then man and wife.
There are a lot of things I miss about being married.  Big things of course, but mostly little things.  I miss going out to dinner/date, I miss celebrating anniversaries, hearing compliments, sharing the burden of aging parents, sharing the tasks around the house, sleeping in, and I am sure a thousand other things.  There are few things that I no longer care about or worry about.  Things like caring if my undies/bra match, if I'm late in getting a bikini wax, where things go around the house, negotiating through thermostat wars, etc.
I find it very empowering to take care of my home on my own.  I do it for my own sanity and for my little one.  I love to do things on my own, always have.  I believe that I am setting an example for my child on how to be an independent person.  I love my friends and the support they offer, but I also know that I am strong woman who gets the great privilege to do things my way.
I get to be the mom I want to be and the woman I want to be.
Let's start the journey.

New Goal

FYI, my friend and I were talking a bit ago and my new goal is to run the Beat the Bridge next spring, but may need to modify that if all goes well in August.  But still want to train for that effort.  I envy all these folks that are joggers.  I desire to be a jogger.  Hmm, did I just say that?  Yes, a jogger.  I want to be a jogger.  Looking for a plan and routine.  Going to get there.  If I can give birth with out drugs, I can do this!  I know that they are not the same at all but you know what I mean.

Boring but had to get it out there

So far I am not the ultimate champion of my own issues, but I am getting there.  Not so fixated on the scale or the mommy uniform, but could improve a few things.
Doing a good job of being active and I am trying to give myself a break a bit. My office has recently moved across campus and I am trying to take advantage of it.  I have continued to park in my old lot near the old building and walk across campus to my new office, about 13 minutes.  I pop in my iPod and go.  If I have to stop at a crosswalk I do calf raises while I wait.  Every day this kills but hopefully this is worth it.
I had to go by my new bus pass and decided to walk from the office during lunch time.  With this walk and from/to my car I walked for 40 minutes!
This is just week one and I can't expect to see results over night, but I can stay on track.
My next goal is to get up early and work out before work.  I need to get my ass on the treadmill.  It is in Gabbi's playroom, and seriously why can't I work out while she plays.  We could still engage and talk while we both do something we like.
It is just so hard to get up that early.  Any tips?
Peace.

Mommy's uniform?

I am a single mom that has struggled with the last 10-12 pounds of baby weight for three years.  I knew when I was pregnant that getting back to my old clothes was going to be a struggle and time.  But, come on!!?!?!  I remember about two months after having my daughter I had a huge break down in front of my closet and my husband.  I was tired of wearing t-shirts and baggy pants.  I went shopping and had cute clothes. I was out of that funk for a bit, but it always crept back.  Now it has came back with a vengeance.  


Fast forward three years and not much has changed.  I did loose more weight but I have been in this holding pattern for a year now.  I am down right disgusted with my weight, my body, and my wardrobe.  I have been on weight watchers off and on during those 3 years.  I am obviously failing at it right now.  


How can I get a jump start out of this pattern.  It seems that I am constantly living in sweatshirts and jeans.  Last weekend I had a chance to hang out with my youngest sister and instead of bringing one of my cute purses I opted to carry my wallet/phone/keys in a backpack!!  What the hell?


This weekend I got to go out with some friends and I finally got out of the sweat shirt.  I put on great shoes, a cute top, and grabbed a real purse.  I felt good about myself.  My friends said I looked great.  I think it is funny that I got all this positive feedback, it is obvious that they too noticed my mommy uniform.  


But today, I have been in a funk all day.  All that feeling good about myself yesterday was completely lost.  It faded away faster then a dream when you wake up.  I hate my body, hate the number on the scale, hate my midsection, and this feeling of grossness.  But all that gross feeling just makes me want to binge on everything I can get my hands on, which I know will only make me feel worse later.  I have tried to be smart, watched my portions, busy all day, and drank water.  I am not looking forward to stepping on that scale tomorrow.  


I want to be happy with my body and my weight so badly.  I do not want my body and diet issues to be passed on to my little girl.  I grew up in a home where my mother was always on a diet, that never worked.  Even now, she continues to talk about how she needs to lose weight.  I blame her but it is not her fault.  


Today, I am obsessed with my weight.  No body knows this but I weigh myself at least 3 times a day.  One day I weighed myself 8 times!  I have become obsessed.  I know that this is not healthy but it is like I can't help it.  There is so many more scale stories I could share but I'm just not ready.  I am getting to the point where I need to hand over my scale to someone to keep it away from me for a week.  Maybe then I will be less stressed about my daily eating.  


Something needs to change and I need to reach my goal by August 15th.  Why that date?  I will tell you later. 


These are things I commit to the universe: 
1. Eat healthily every day
2. Watch portion sizes and snacks
3. Be active daily, at least 30 minutes each day - outside or inside
4. Only weigh myself on Monday mornings
5. Drink 64 oz of water a day


Wish me luck world.  Keep you posted. 

Summer Solstice

I thought that the summer solstice was suppose to include sun?  Isn't that a rule or something?  For me it doesn't seem to apply.  I have always loved this time of year.  Usually it is full of sun and festivals.  Well, this year I am half right.

I finally had a chance to attend the Fremont Fair & Solstice Parade.  I have been a resident of Washington for over 3 decades (really!?!!?) and this is my first time.  Everyone should see the naked cyclists (and rollerbladers) at least once in their lives.  I am so glad that Teresa asked me to go with her.  Even though we watched the parade on separate sides of the street it was fun to catch up afterwards and enjoy some time hanging out.  It was a fun adventure, but the sun was sorely missed.

Not only do I love this time of year for the festivals, but it actually holds a very special place in my heart.  My dad's birthday was the 21st, so it was always a time to celebrate.  Plus it was often on Father's Day.  A year before my father passed away he gave me a very special book.  It is a book that allowed both of us to write down special father/daughter memories and thoughts.  He gave it to me at Christmas with a few areas filled in and I would give it to him on Father's Day with some of my memories.  Unfortunately, we didn't get to enjoy this exchange system for very long, but it is one of my most prized possessions.  Ever Father's Day I get out the book and reread his notes.  I love seeing his hand writing, it is very comforting to me for some reason.

I have been looking for a book like this for my daughter and her dad so that they can start the tradition early on. He knows how much my book means to me so I am sure he would enjoy his own version shared with his little girl.

Life...done simple.

Life is simple.  At times even the most simple life has it's crazy moments, slight bumps, major pit falls, and awesome successes.

This blog serves as a place for me to share some of those simple things.  That's it.  Simple.